David

Today marks the anniversary of my brother's death. Six years ago he made the choice to end his life. My whole family was never the same after. I can't speak for everyone else, but I suspect I'm not the only one who still wonders why.  I don't think my mother ever really recovered from the total, shockingly raw, agonizing pain. There just aren't enough adjectives to describe how a mother must feel. When I try to imagine it I have to give up after a few moments because I just can't even deal with it in a safe, artificial context.  I do know that a mother's love knows no bounds. It doesn't matter what her son/daughter does in life, she will love him/her unconditionally, beyond death, beyond eternity.

However, the beauty of the human heart is that it does heal. And after several years, the good memories begin to crowd out the bad. Over the past couple of years I have found myself recounting fond memories to my children of David and me in our childhood years. I tell them how we played and of the hours we spent swimming in the lake (literally hours!). And I let them know that we stayed outdoors from morning until dark, coming inside only to grab a sandwich for lunch, which we often had to eat outside because we were dripping wet. And how our favorite games were building roads in the dirt with sticks and stones and driving just a couple of matchbox cars around for hours. What a life! I'm pleasantly surprised to see how interested my grown children are to hear these stories.

David and me.

When I think of Dave now, I always see him perched on the bar stool in Mom's kitchen. That's where we all were, all of the time.  Hanging out around the kitchen counter. Just like it is now in my house, with my kids. And so it goes...

Moving Right Along...

Ok, so I've managed to check something off my Resolutions list - cleaning the workshop.  Just as a reminder, here is the before:

You can't even see the floor and it was nearly impossible to get through here.

                                                And here is the after:

 I'm feelin' pretty good about this, so I want to keep the momentum going. I'm presently working on organizing the storage room.

It was a wonderful holiday season here in our household - lots of company, lots of food and fun. I hope it was the same for you. Now we have to tough out the cold, dreary months of January through March here in the North, so I guess it's a good time to take care of these inside projects. We're going to do a little remod in my kitchen - pretty excited about that. I'll be posting the progress.

I'll leave you with the photo we put on our Christmas card this year. Think warm sand and sun!

Six of the eight grands - the two babies were up on the deck with their mamas :)

Resolution

I never make New Year's Resolutions. Until now. And I'm going all out this year. So here goes:

1.  I'm going to start by blogging again. I quit because I was having issues with my blog. I moved over to wordpress because I had been told it was more sophisticated. Big mistake. I didn't like it. It didn't allow me the freedom to do the things I wanted it to do. I finally learned how to basically pick up and move everything back over to blogger. Hopefully I have it figured out now, because I really don't want to start over. I like the title and background. And it takes a long time to find a new name for a blog - there are literally millions out there, and every name you can think of is already in use.

2.  I'm going to write every day. It may only be a couple of lines, but if I say it out loud, maybe it will happen.

3.  I'm going to clean the workshop. That's a scary one. The guys are the only ones who use it and it's pretty awful. But I'd like to be able to use it once in a while for a picture framing project, or a painting project, so if I want it cleaned, well, you know how that goes...

4.  I'm going to organize the storage room. Another scary one, and that one is my own fault. It was actually pretty organized at one point, but we sold the ranch this past summer, and everything that we had stored up there ended up being thrown into storage here and now it's time to take care of it. I  DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!!! So I have to write it down somewhere in order to be accountable.

Everyone always posts perfect pictures on their blogs that make me feel like a failure in my life, how about you? Just to make you-all feel better, I'm posting 'before' pictures of my 'to-do' projects.

This is the workshop.

This is one half of the storage room.

So there you have it. What a mess! Don't you feel better now?

  Anybody else pledging New Year's Resolutions? It seems to be a thing of the past. But it's kind of like dieting. I hear people saying there's no point in dieting because they know they won't stick to it. Well then, yep, you've defeated yourself before you've even started. So, I'm going to aim high and if I'm lucky, I'll achieve half of what I set out to do :)


Happy New Year!
Marie